I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
