my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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