I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize