DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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