they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize