i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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