I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
