Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize