You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize