so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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