We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
thus making me awesome and them whores
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
