I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
