In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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