Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
