Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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