omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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