Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
