first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
