Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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