you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
