"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
