I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
