The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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