Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize