what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
