Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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