we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
