Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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