your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
