White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
