I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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