woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
