It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
