I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
