Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
