Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
