Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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