Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize