Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize