my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
