That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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