like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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