Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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