What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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