check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
