Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize