return my video game
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
