she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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