I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
