Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
