i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
