I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
