I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
