Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
