I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
