I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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