I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
