Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
