oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
