Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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