Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
