Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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