White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You've changed since you got that strap on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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