tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
