I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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