At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
