i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
