Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
