thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
