There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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