So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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