Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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