the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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