Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize